Coffee Swirl: Responsibility

Hi, nice to see you again.  Yes, I AM going to offer you that cup of coffee every time you come by here; like I said, it's part of my special talent, I can't help it.

No, no more issues of self-worth or existential breakdowns regarding alternate universes and the like.  I've still been reading those things you write down, they've been helping me come to terms with a few things.  Also, good on that one version of Shady and Luna, I'm glad things worked out for the best there; though I'm slightly curious what it would be like to live in a timeline where Discord was one of the good guys.

Hmm?  The point of this visit?  You really are impatient sometimes, you know that?  Don't bother answering, I remember the rules you three have to live by for whatever this is to work.  Though, if you ask me, you DO need to loosen up; experience the side of ponies that doesn't involve hearing about the horror they've seen or their own shortcomings; really, for all the good stuff that's come to light with this, you'd think we were a race of degenerates that was only recently pulling ourselves out of our own filth to read some of this stuff.

No, I'm not missing the point.  I know that the purpose of these stories is to show that, even if there's some bad qualities, good parts of ponies still shine through on the whole.  But I'm saying that there were good qualities there before all this insanity went down.

Er, nevermind.  Sorry about that; I got side-tracked there with some of my own gripes.  And, honestly, I'm sorry I act so overly casual with you three.  It's just that, ever since I started reading all these things and confronted you about the whole thing going on with me and the world, I've started looking at you... well, not like you're somepony official.  I'm just treating you like you're somepony familiar or something... I don't know, just forget it.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about....

It's a bit embarrassing; but, ever since I started reading these reports (or whatever you want to call them), I've started looking at ponies differently.  Like there's something more to them then I used to think; I know that sounds cliched, but it's the Celestia's honest truth.  I used to just see them as, well, as a collective; now I see ponies, unique ponies.  Even if they share Cutie Marks, even if they look alike, even if they're the same color, even if some of them look like they could be twins, they're still different ponies.

And they've probably all got their own problems too.

Yesterday, I had just closed the shop and was taking a break to get something to eat and not got too caught up in my work.  Fluttercruel had stayed around longer than usual, so I said goodbye to her as she went back to her and 'Shy's cottage.

Eh?  What's that supposed to mean?

Well; yeah.  I mean, she's my friend; why wouldn't I like-

...wait, you mean it like-

No!  Wait; yes!  I mean, she, but I- she; I- we- I don't- wait; I do- I mean-

ARGH!  It's none of your bucking business who I like!  Got it!?

Huh?  The incident with Iron Will?  No; why in the pony hell would I blame her in the least for what happened there?!  Is everypony really so blind to think that, after she warped Equestria to her own idea of what it should be, that it's out of character for Fluttershy to be a bitch like that?!

No, I still haven't entirely forgiven her for it.  I'm usually a bit better about it, but I'm not going to let somepony blame 'Cruel for something she had no part in.

Don't worry; I'm good now.  Just don't start putting the blame on her again, I mean it.

Anyway, the things about other ponies....

It's just that, ever since I've started reading all those things you've written about them in your interviews, all the problems that they're still having even after all this time.  Even the ones that Gaia helped, they're still more than a little messed up and having to deal with their problems without telling anypony else.  Old problems, the kind that don't just go away because some insane wannabe alicorn decides to turn all of Equestria into foals for a day.

There's a pony in town who still flinches whenever somepony asks her if she's alright.  I've watched her a few times, I mean more than you'd expect somepony to; I'm fully aware of how creepy it sounds, thanks.  But she's very measured in how she moves around, very controlled as well and you can tell she just piles on the makeup; and she goes to the same places on the same days, I could tell she was a perfectionist by day two.

Not that hard, really; I'm still one myself in a lot of ways.  You can't really run a business without being a bit of one; it just makes things so much easier to keep things running smoothly to try and make them as perfect as possible.  It just makes things outside of that little world like living in Tartarus.

Yes, I'm sure she's better than she was, thanks to Gaia, but I'm also sure she's still pretty bad.

'Why am I telling you this?'  Simple, I'm telling you this to let you know that I broke my promise.

Yeah, I'm sorry.  Turns out, I suck at keeping secrets; but I couldn't help it.  I didn't use any names, and I tried to change the details as best I could to avoid letting her know who I was referring to when I told her, but I still told her about Golden Tiara.

No, I don't mean 'Screwball', I mean Golden Tiara; that's her name and it's the one I'm going to call her by.  Heh, I must sound like her husband.  Anyway, I told her about her stress from trying to live up to the standards of fickle ponies and how it eventually made her crack.  I'm not going to go into the details of how the conversation went, it's really not that important; but she did eventually break down and start crying at one point.

I should probably tell you that I'm not very good at emotional things.  I'm... well, I'm not really sure how they work.  I can feel them, but expressing them is a bit too much for me most of the time.  They're just something that's, well, there; I know it makes me seem like I'm a jerk or that I don't care about other ponies when we talk, but it's just the way I am.  I may be trying to be a better pony, but there's a limit to just how much I can change.

Anyway, she started crying.

'I have to be perfect, I have to be perfect!  Perfection is beauty, perfection is wonderful; if I'm perfect, I'll be beautiful!'

I'll be honest, again, I've never understood the search for 'beauty' that some ponies become obsessed with; it doesn't work that way.  'Beauty' is something subjective, but it's still not something that you can buy out of a bottle, or a box of face paint.  But, she was so convinced of her apparent perfect was what made her beautiful, that I was afraid I was too late to do anything for her.  I still tried though, I couldn't help it; for some reason, I thought I could make a difference like Applejack did before me.  'But you're not perfect; you can't be, it's impossible.'

Yeah, that went over about as well as you'd think it would.  I was just lucky that we weren't out in public, that could have gotten really ugly.  I'm pretty sure that ponies haven't really forgotten how I hit Fluttershy, so I'd rather not develop a reputation as somepony who abuses mares.  But I didn't give up then.  'Wait, I didn't say you weren't beautiful.'

That seemed to confuse her a bit.  'But- but-'

'Just because something isn't perfect doesn't mean it's not a beautiful thing.  I mean, I know it's cliche, but... well, look at a flower.'  And I silently thanked Celestia that there were flowers around at the time.  'Take a good look at it; it's not symmetrical, or painted, or anything other than what it is, and it's still beautiful.'

'...you're right, that is cliche.'  Hey, at least she had a smile when she said it; I'll take what I can get.

I'm still talking to her from time to time, she's better now, even comes into the shop now and again.  Never to the point that she's there every day like 'Cruel is, but it's still nice to see she's varying her routine some.  She's also wearing a lot less makeup now, and she's got a lot more stallions than just me looking at her now.  So she's happy; I guess I can count that as a victory at the end of the day.

I suppose that's why I called you here again; to tell you that I've come to a realization about the stuff I've read in your notes.  It can help ponies, like I said it could, but there's a point where it won't anymore.  I was close with that one mare (no, I'm not giving you her name, if she wants to come to you, it's her choice), but I'd rather not have somepony miss out on something that could have helped them.

That's why... I'm telling Onyx Tiara where to find his daughter.

I don't care if it make a whole other universe, I don't care if some of those shadows you mention get pissed at me, I don't care if I get arrested for whatever reason, I don't care about what happens to me at all.  I know things, things that could help so many ponies before that End of Equestria event you mentioned and I know is coming.

I know that Discord's straining at his bonds, that Diamond Tiara is going to be the one who releases him and that things are going to pot very soon.  And I can't just sit here on my plot when I could do even one, little thing to stop it.

I remember something in a book I read; one of the characters said 'Those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action'.  You can't, thanks to whatever rules you're stuck operating under, but I can.

Look, I'm sorry; I'm sorry that I'm betraying your trust like this, I really am.  But I can't let those two suffer any more if I can help it.

Thank you for your time.

Hey. Why are you crying?

(Interviewer's notes (pegasus): B-B-Because I know what you're trying to accomplish. And I know what you're going to actually cause. And I know there's nothing I'm allowed to say that'll actually change your mind. And we promise our friends we're never starts thing over again no matter how black things turned. )

Try me. Please.

(Interviewer's notes (pegasus): You can't FORCE growth! It has to come from within! You can guide it, lead it, help it, but the moment you try to force it you either destroy it, or it turns violent! Or it snaps back! We've-)


(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): We can't tell him that part.)

(Interviewer's notes (pegasus): I'm sick of hearing that!)

(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): So you should know I am too.)

(Interviewer's notes (Earth Pony): I-I-I'm sorry!)

Hey now! Don't you start crying too kid!

(Interviewer's notes (Earth Pony): But-But I'm just so sorry! You really want to do the right thing! You're not doing it to be a hero, not because it's what fate says, or because it's someone you know. But-but-but you're not-)

(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): Do as you WILL Coffee Swirl! We shall never intrude upon your place of business, or trespass upon your property, or violate your personal space again. Thank you for YOUR time.)

(Interviewer's notes (Earth Pony): I'm sorry I wasted your time.)

W-wait! Wait wait wait wait! WHAT THE PONY HELL IS GOING ON!?

Seriously, I don't care about shadows or fate or any of the other stuff you talk about. Just please, STOP IT!

Stop talking like that, stop it now! None of you have wasted ANYTHING, least of all my time. Look around you! All those ponies that are better because you've helped them realize something about themselves, all the ponies that you've talked to and come to terms with their own problems.

YOU helped the other Elements of Harmony realize that Fluttershy was suffering as Nightmare Whisper! YOU helped Onyx Tiara get over his racism and actually brought him out of a Discording. You even sat there as a world ended simply so another pony could give you the one thing that had worth to her: A story.

I hate it when ponies lie to me, and right now; you three ARE LYING! There is nothing wasteful about you, there will NEVER be anything wasteful about you three and what you do. You can't sit there, telling me to my face that you've never pressed harder on certain subjects to push the pony in the right direction; yes, it's still 'guiding', but only just barely. You may not be forcing it on them, but you're not just letting it happen either.

And it's not hard to guess what's going to happen if I go through with this. *Sigh* Well, yes, it is; but I can imagine it's not going to be good for me. But I still can't sit here and do nothing...

You say you guide ponies, that you help them; then help me. Tell me how to do this without breaking whatever laws these damned shadows have you bound to; because just letting it go isn't an option. I don't care if Havoc or Entropy themselves get to torture my soul for the rest of time for what I'm about to do, just tell me how to do ANYTHING to help you; for once.

(Interviewer's notes (Earth Pony): Giving you instructions would be breaking da rules.)

(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): If you think what we do is forcing, then you don't know what forcing is.)

(Interviewer's notes (Pegasus): Just DO what you're going to do! We can't stop you!)

(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): If we could ask questions about Fluttershy to help Rarity realize something we wrong. Don't you think we would have done the same with Filthy Rich or Rarity if it was going to make any difference if they knew or not?)

Damn the rules, damn the distinction and damn the bucking shadows! It's not a question of you being able to stop me; don't you three get it?

As far as I'm concerned you're my friends, and it's clear that- whatever is going to happen to me when I do this- is tearing you up. I can't even pretend that I know what is actually going to happen to me, part of me's afraid to guess; but I'd be a horrible friend if I let you three suffer just because I'm a stubborn foal!

...no offense, kid.

Hey, kiddo, I don't think I've seen you do anything but talk to ponies before, certainly not hug them.

(Interviewer's notes (Earth Pony): I just, know what's going to happen. And I can't tell you. And it's not like a rule like a teacher giving you a timeout in Magic Kinder garden. But a rule like you can't nail a shadow to a wall.)

(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): When you read the report on Shining Armor. You'll understand hopefully much clearer.)

Shining Armor? Who's that?

(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): The . . . our . . . he is Twilight Sparkle's elder brother.)

What?! Since when does Twilight Sparkle have a brother-?! She's an only child!

(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): That answer is no longer correct. When you read the interview of him, you'll understand.)

I... I...

*sigh*

I don't like it, I'm not even going to pretend otherwise. But, like I said, you three are my friends; even if you're not ponies, you're still my friends. And, if whatever will happen to me when I go to tell Onyx Tiara will hurt you half as much as I think it will, then I'll hold off as long as I can.

And please, don't any of you dare think that any time we've spent together was a waste. I wouldn't trade a second of it away.

(Interviewer's notes (Pegasus): What would you say if I told you you just pissed off Discord? OW!)

(Interviewer's notes (Unicorn): That is TOO leading of a question.)

Discord can kiss my plot.

Though... there is one thing that I think still needs to be done; and to all those shadows that are watching this, buck you! She deserves this.

*Hugs the Earth Pony Filly*

I may not be all that good a pony, but a kid should be hugged at least once in her life.

(Interviewer's notes (Earth Pony): Thank you.)

Heh; any time, kiddo.  That's what friends are for.