Back again? Gotta admit, I didn't expect to see you after our little interview last time; I expected you to toss out the transcript, sweep me under the rug and not even bother to show up for the free coffee I promised after what I said.
Yeah, I know it's cynical to think that way, but it's not like I haven't got cause to think like that.
Most ponies don't like it when I tell them what I think of their precious third princess; every reaction's a little bit different, but they mostly react one of two ways: They either tell me to 'shut up' and threaten to make me shut up if I don't. Or they just give you that sad little shake of the head they give the ponies in the nuthouse when they know they can't fix them.
Seriously? Don't act all shocked. I know, damn well, what Fluttershy said during her festival; but did you honestly expect that her words would keep ponies from being violent? They don't want to hear what they don't like; and right now, they don't like that not everypony is worshiping the ground that she walks on. I can guarantee you that whoever it was that threw the rock isn't feeling too well anymore. They love their mother-princess; and Celestia and Luna help the ones that don't.
I even know why they're doing it; convinced they're somehow 'protecting' her from ponies that want to do her harm. Let's just clear that up right now; I can't speak for everypony who doesn't like her anymore, but I don't want some sort of sick revenge. Yes, I hate her for what she did, and I hate that nearly everyone- pony or otherwise- seems to love her for it, but I'm not going to turn into some nut job out to make her suffer for it. What would it solve? I'm not going to sleep better at night if I beat her up; the nightmares won't stop just because she's in the hospital; the world won't be any less out of my control if I buck the living hell out of her. For the love of Celestia, I'm not crazy!
...yeah; you've probably guessed it, but I've got more of an issue with the ones that don't fly off the handle than the ones that do.
It's one thing to deal with a violent pony, you get those in every day life and- like every stallion- I'm no stranger to the occasional scuffle, but it's something else entirely to be looked at like you're mentally deficient for thinking the way you do.
It doesn't help that the only ones that have things to say like I do are the crazies, like that one idiot who usually stands outside the shop screaming about how coffee is laced with drugs to keep stallions infertile. Well, he changed his tune and was saying that Fluttershy's song (I heard about it secondhoof) was laced with post-hypnotic suggestions; I don't know what happened to him after the customers chased him away, but it couldn't have been good.
That's why I haven't told anypony what I have to deal with, haven't let them know that I have to self medicate to make it through some days, that I have to get drunk some nights to stave off nightmares. Then, I have to drag myself to work in the morning to make my bits and hope that I'm not every bit as crazy as they all think I am.
Yeah; you hear something long enough like I have, you start to think that maybe there's something to it. The very, very, very few ponies I've told outside of you have all told me, various ways, 'Are you crazy'; and the way I've been living for a while now is probably going to put me on the fast track to the asylum before too much longer.
The nightmares? Well, other than the ones that involve Discord coming back and me being drank up, there's one that I get a lot. I'm in my bed, just waiting for sleep to come, when I'm suddenly roped up by a bunch of foals dressed to play cowponies and buffalo and they start to drag me off. I can't seem to get free, no matter what I do, and I'm begging them to stop and let me go; they just giggle at me and say 'Don't worry, you're just confused; mommy princess Gaia will make it all better.' I'm dragged to to her cottage at the edge of Everkind forest, only it's suddenly a modest castle with those butterfly winged guards of hers around it; they don't listen to my pleading any more than the foals. I'm dragged into the throne room and... and she is waiting there. 'Oh, what a poor little colt; you're so confused. Here, let me help you.' She spreads her wings and that fog of hers is back; I can feel it change me, I can feel it changing my mind, and the next thing I know, I'm a smiling 'happy' little foal again.
That's usually where I wake up; sometimes, it goes a bit longer and I watch myself run off to play with the other foals, all the while I'm trying to scream that this isn't right but nothing happens. Needless to say, it's not a happy dream for me.
I haven't told anypony else, no. Look around you; I have no one to tell it to here. They all want nothing more than to actually have something like that happen; and I won't go to the crazies for comfort; otherwise, that makes everypony else right about me and my mental state.
'What do I want'? Eh? I'm not sure I get- Oh! Now I see.
Well... I know that not a lot of ponies will like this, but I want them to tell me it's okay to feel the way that I do. I know Fluttershy said that it was okay, but that's not going to stop them; like I said, they think they're in the right or are protecting her from me. I want to know that they're not going to somehow convince her to bring back the fog and turn us all back into foals again. I want to know that I can finally stop looking over my shoulder, waiting for some crazy alicorn or draconequus to show up and completely turn the world on its head again!
A few more times like that, and I really will be crazy.